another book thing

Ok, so another line from a new book stuck out. I don’t think I’d call it literature, but it’s definitely above the scholastic level.  Anyway the line went like this “I knew 100 men who’d be millionaires if they’d stop doing what they thought they wanted to do, and start doing what they were supposed to do.” Again my brain found this a great place to start off and spiral down into a life questioning quest that would of course have no tangible conclusion.

It makes me consider a lot of the conflict that has come up in my after college life. Primarily the fact that I am no longer doing what I went to college to do. Primarily because it’s nearly impossible to handle the debt, live, and provide a life in that field. At least that’s what I often tell people when they ask. Dig a little deeper into my thought process and you’ll quickly find out that I can spin a great tale of all the cool stuff I did in my degreed field, but if you keep asking you’ll learn I didn’t really enjoy it. I tried so hard to love it, and there is part of me that still enjoys make the odd video from time to time, but the drive to do it is forced. I found the job…. Well… boring. It wasn’t challenging, it wasn’t like you learned a lot, or it gave me any sort of drive.  The truth was I tried again and again to get the bug, to want it, but it just never drove me, I had to force the enthusiasm, so I knew it would never stick. What I liked about it was making something, and then being able to see people enjoy it, and that all went away after school. After you’re out of academia its all unions and rates, which is boring.

The second job I had was no better, that sort of forced sale has no business in my life. I do believe I cold be a great salesman and even enjoy selling, but I have requirements for that to be the case. Mainly that I believe in what I am selling the person. Ask my bosses at bestbuy when I was in school, if I thought it was something cool I sold it, a ton of it, but try to get me to sell something I didn’t have interest in or didn’t think was worth the money and I couldn’t move it to save my life. I would love to see the sales numbers for skullcandy headphones the year I spent at that store.

I’m not positive I am where I am supposed to be just yet, but I am closer and working hard not to settle. I do firmly believe there is somewhere I am supposed to be, and something I am meant to do. The problem is I also believe that people go their entire lives without finding those things, and I get paralyzed by fear from time to time thinking that I am going to end up that person. I don’t know that I am brave enough, bold enough, or have enough faith to step out when the opportunity shows itself. I worry, a lot, and it keeps me from taking the risks I know I need to. When I used to spar in competitions there is something that any fighter who wants to win understands, if you want to win you’re eventually going to have to take a few hits to get the opening you need to win. I think I have gotten to scared of taking those hits, but I want to fight again.