Side Effects 3

This is something I have been thinking about a lot since I talked with one of my female friends who is also struggling to get her weight under control, and it is the concept of getting comfortable with being the “fat one.” As with most of these posts this shows up in a few places but it generally consists of it becoming far easier to just be the fat one in your group of friends then work your way to normal, or past it to the fit one. There are certain expectations people start to have for the way you’ll eat and drink, and the way you’ll act. Once those expectations are in place when you go outside them there is some natural push back even if you’re heading in the direction.

When you are with a group of people you know really well, out to eat, or maybe just having dinner at someone’s house, they expect certain behavior from you. If you are in fact the fat friend, like me they’ll expect that you eat a lot, drink high calorie/sugar drinks and generally make a glutton of yourself. I don’t think anyone would say it outright but having a friend that does this is great for your self esteem. It lets you indulge a bit more than normal without feeling bad about it. After all at least you’re not eating as much as fat friend. I do not say this from the inside looking out, or to pass judgment on anyone else, because if fact I am just as guilty of this as the next guy. I have had several friends over the years I loved spending time with because I knew that even though I was letting myself go a bit, at least I wasn’t ballooning like so and so. It was a bad day when I finally realized that I had become that friend to several of my own peer group.
Side note: What is far worse than this is when you realize you’re the heafty one and you decide to watch what you eat, but only in front of other people knowing full well, that they know full well that you eat whatever the heck you want when they aren’t there, but because of social courtesy everyone ignores the fact the diet cokes at outback don’t offset your consumption of half of the groups bloomin onion, and everyone smiles and says good for you when you let them know you’re running again…. (this comprises several years of my life dang it)
In step with having a heavy friend around when you’re having a meal, it’s nice to have someone plumper than yourself around all the time. It is only natural for us to compare ourselves to others finding out what you have better or worse than the next person, for men it could be strength, hair, weight, ect.. for woman breasts, weight, general attractiveness. It is a natural as breathing. So I as the chubby kid fill a crucial niche in a social group. It isn’t the one anyone wants to fill, but it does allow you to have a lot of friends who don’t find you particularly treating.

Speaking of threatening, my friend I mentioned earlier brought this up to me, and while I never lost weight while I was close to my friends I think this is worth mentioning. She was telling me about one time in the past when she had really made a hard push for weight loss and started to really change the way she looked. She had always maintained a playful relationship with her friends male and female, and that sort of joke flirting that happens between friends and their friends spouses. Which until she dropped weight was considered playful and fun, but when she was fast on her weight to being skinny the claws came out. All the sudden the playful joking was met with sneers and sideways looks, and her friends became a lot less friendly. She had upset the order. She was supposed to be the fat friend and that’s where everyone was comfortable having her, including herself.

That really is the heart of the matter. When you have been the fat one long enough, when you occupy that part of the social order it is hard to get out of it. That’s where everyone expects you to be, that is where you expect to be. Once you realize that, it is even easier to eat bad, not work out, and generally let yourself go, because no one expect any better of you, so why should you expect better of yourself? This is the point I have to constantly make to myself. No one expects me to lose weight, and most people don’t really want me to. My skinny friends don’t want to lose the fat one, my heavy friends don’t like being reminding that they are still heavy and not changing it. I don’t want to upset any of them, so it would be a lot better for everyone if I would just stop trying and gain it all back. No one is going to rush to your aid and cheer you on through the rigorous and frustrating road of to losing all the extra weight, you have to do that on your own. There will undoubtedly be a few people around you they will give you support and cheer you on, but no one will do it for you, no one will make it easier, and no one will make you do it, in fact they’d probably be happier if you didn’t bother. So forget friends, forget family members, and do it for youself.