Workouts 1

This is a detour from the typical post I throw on this thing, but as I have been running more and more it seems that something has been coming up so much in my mind its worth writing about. With luck putting in writing will help get it out of my brain, thus eliminating the war that is ranging over my will power ever single time I work out.

I noted two post back about how I have recently learned that I can in fact run again, and thanks to a combo of barefoot shoes (oxy moron?), and less fat to haul around, I am finding that I am capable of running for greater distances than I ever believed myself capable. My body is able to deal with the miles without to much complaint, and recover fast enough to do it again the next. However, I am getting off topic, what I am more concerned with the battle that goes on mentally whenever I run.

When I decide on the mileage I am going for before the run I am fired up, it isn’t going to be a problem and I am going to knock out the miles without event. This is what I tell myself every single time I get ready to go. Lets look at the 6 miler I did last week. I hadn’t gone that far before and I was determined to do it this time, and knew I could. Until I was about 100 yards into the run that is.

The first mile is always an argument in my brain. It starts pretty quickly with me asking myself why in the world I think I need to run that far. I come up with several good reasons pertaining to weight loss and overall health as well as achieving personal goals. To which I am happy to inform myself 4 miles would most definitely suffice to meet those very same goals, and while six may be notable it is completely unnecessary, and boy I would like to avoid the soreness I am most definitely going to endure as a result. When the argument starts I am firm in my goal, but about half way into the second mile I have decided that 4 miles will actually be fine. It will still be above my calorie burning goal and six will just suck, why even bother.

This decision typically lasts until I am mid way through the 3^rd mile. It’s strange. It may be what people always referred to as runners block, but I doubt it as I am far to aware of the pain in my legs, and my labored breathing to be in some trance, and the fact that I am having an involved conversation with myself about it also indicates that I am not exactly rising above my physical limitations. The fact is by the time I get within a half mile of my recently revised goal that stalwart attitude I had before the run starts to assert itself subtly. It typically begins with me thinking how I am not going to run six, but I am almost done with 4 and I could totally make it another mile. I don’t have to or anything, but I could if I wanted. Maybe what Ill do is just start in on a 5^th mile and run till I don’t feel like it. It could be 100 feet or another full mile, but I already met the goal anyway so why not? My brain thinks in run on sentences fyi. The stalwart sides keeps the give up side distracted with this line of thought so long I typically finish the 5^th mile before I realize it, and if I am gonna do 5, I pretty much have to do six.

What is so ridiculous about this is that it does not matter how far I am going. If I decide to do six it happens, but it also happens if I decide to do 3, its just more of a cliff notes convo because my brain doesn’t have the luxury of all that extra time. Its very annoying to have to change your mind so many times whilst doing something you’d really rather never do in the first place, but maybe now that’s it written I can start to get past this latest manifesting of my OCD tendancies.